Sorry guys, I haven’t written anything in ages. Mostly because I’ve been living quite a busy life and nothing new happened. Until now. I feel like I have made lots of wrong decisions only because I did not want to hurt people. But now it turns out that I not only hurt them, I hurt myself too. By knowing what a mess I have made.
From now I call myself a bad person. I really am. It started when i moved to another, bigger, city. Something just happened. I turned into a girl who talks and is not afraid to go and chat boys up. Little did I know that this would bring me troubles. The first thing that happened was that one of my male friends confessed he liked me. I was in shock and I couldn’t hurt him. I just couldn’t. I didn’t say that I like him clearly but I think I acted a bit weird and so he thought that I like him. He even started doing things he never did before, for example, he listen to the same music as I do, he watches the movies I do and so on. As a girl who never got serious attention from a guy I found that attractive and I felt special. And then I started having these thoughts ‘why do I let him think I like him’, but i quickly threw them all away thinking I cannot hurt him.
Another bad thing I’ve done was letting another guy like me. I mean I didn’t give him permission but he just did. I don’t understand why. I have never been a girl liked by guys, I don’t have big breasts or an incredibly beautiful face. Then I asked him what happened, he just said ‘you’re cute and you care’. Oh my… What did I do?
I can’t even sleep at night because I create all the worst scenarios of what could happen to me. How and when will karma pay me back. Those guys deserve something better. Someone who can bear their children in the future. I don’t deserve them because I have mrkh and also because i’m too flirty nowadays. I’ve gone too far.