For the past few months I wasn’t sure of my feelings. It seemed to me that I liked one guy, but then I turned to another thinking I like him more. It was bad, I hurt myself but the worst part of it is that I hurt and disappointed people who counted on me. Whenever I look back I think about what could have happened if I wasn’t selfish. I mean, I still like one guy but when he ignored me I felt the need to make him jealous. So I kinda flirted with other guys. It’s bitchy right? Damn, i became a bitch…
I guess I shouldn’t be complaining about anything right now. I’m the one who messes everything up. I’m the one who people give up on. They understand that I’m hard to handle.
But still.. Recently, I caught myself wondering what it would be like if I had someone who would be interested in my life, who would want to be a part of it. However, all of the guys I’ve met very either ‘bad boys’ who only wanted one things from lots of girls(one night standers) or just too good to me. The last-mentioned treated me like a princess and I thought ‘why in the world did I deserve it. I didn’t’, so I treated them like my friends.
I really want to have a soulmate. A boy with whom I could share my hobbies, my future plans, my dreams. I don’t need a guy to say ‘I want more than just hanging out if you know what I mean’. Sure, I know what you mean. Nowadays guys tend to rush so much, it seems like they don’t even want to know you better, all they want is to get you in their beds as soon as possible. I truly believe there are some guys left who are wholeheartedly willing to love a girl and wait for her as long as she needs in order to feel ready. I believe in fate and I think that we all have our soulmates somewhere in this world so I’m still waiting for mine. Waiting gets harder, especially then most of my friends have found their right ones. And then I walk down the street I think of you and I wonder if you are already in my life or will you appear then I least expect that? I love you, my right guy. ❤